Of the myriad of paths that you can take to becoming the best version of yourself, none is more empowering, more effective, and more complete than the path of self-acceptance. Just think about it. What possibilities would be available to you today, if in this very moment, you decided to go about life honouring the strengths that come most naturally to you, having the conversations that are really consequential to you or asking the questions that are really true to what you are most curious about? What outcomes would you achieve if you started from a space of authentic power instead of clever imitation of the models of success that you have seen about you?
In the field of leadership development, we work with clients to help them improve some aspect of themselves so they can be the best leader they can be. This well-meaning process, much by accident, creates a culture of self-assessment that can sometimes take people away from themselves rather than bring them closer to who they really are. Psychologist Carl Rogers famously said, “the curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” I know from my own work that the greatest transformation occurs when the client remembers who they really are and works to enhance what was always there versus be in denial of it. It is in self-acceptance that leaders will find the most powerful portal to both self-awareness and personal mastery.
So what is self-acceptance and why is it the most effective path to authentic power? The etymology of the word ‘accept’ refers to ‘an admission and agreeing to’ something that is offered to us. To self-accept therefore is to be in honest admission (not denial) of what makes you you – your quirks, your curiosities, your strengths and absolutely your weaknesses – and to wholeheartedly embrace and agree that this is the canvas that you have. That canvas can be worked on, it can be improved, but at a fundamental level it cannot be changed. Self-acceptance means I am in healthier relationship with the self which means I am better placed to really sit with myself and do the work where it needs to be done.
Here are three areas of self-acceptance that if you embraced today will lead you into authentic power:
Accept that you are a particular personality. I struggled most of my life with the fact that I tend to do things at the last minute. It made me feel a great amount of shame because I had always understood that leaders did things way in advance. But no matter what approach I used, I always seemed to best concentrate and have the most intellectual clarity when the deadline was nearest. So I accepted that and worked in flow with it vs in shame of it. I learnt to channel my energy constructively, I learnt how to harness my last-minute tendencies and voila, I was in an authentic power that I had always had but never knew.
Accept you have particular strengths. I believe Albert Einstein protested to being called a genius. He insisted that he was so brilliant because he followed the natural proclivities of his cognitive wiring. In other words, he focused on what he was good at. Stay in your lane! We have created a society in which people are so far removed from their strengths because we have convinced them to go into ‘safe and lucrative’ careers. The outcome is mediocrity. Each one of us has the right to taste the brilliance of our strengths and to be able to solve some of the toughest problems on our continent because of that brilliance.
Accept your unique values and let them guide you to a more authentic life. Many people confuse values with social ideals. There are ideals that have been instilled in us by society and those are important because they make us a part of a collective. But there are values that we come into relationship with because we have dared to admit that certain things matter to us despite the messaging or the standards that our societies dictate. The courage to be in relationship with these values is what brings us closer to ourselves, and when we give ourselves permission to admit what is most true for us then we can be in authentic power.
As the year starts, I invite you to commit a journey of self-acceptance. To know all parts of yourself, to remember them, to honour them, to embrace and integrate them and ultimately to discover the beauty of just being yourself.